walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
