she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
