So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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