I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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