Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
