you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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