does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I deserve this hangover.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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