I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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