Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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