farters have to be the big spoon...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
