i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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