mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
