why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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