I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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