yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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