How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
