we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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