So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
