he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's always time for handjobs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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