you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i now understand why vodka
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I party with great urgency now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
