no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
