I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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