I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
