I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
