Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize