Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
