Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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