Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
