I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
