Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
