A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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