So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
