dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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