he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
