I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You don't make any sense
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