youre lurking in front of me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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