The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
