I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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