there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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