You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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