Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
