imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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