i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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