Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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