If that was your dad, he is hot
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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