this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
