Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize