If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
