I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
