Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
