just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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