are you still at the devil's house?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
