now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
