you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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