Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
