do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
