dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
