I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
