I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
