Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize