I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize